Moments Before Fatherhood

 Moments before Fatherhood:

           I am sitting in the laboring room as my wife lay still, strapped to a machine listening to the heart beats of our soon to be born children. The room is otherwise quiet and while all our friends and family are waiting to hear the news from my wife, I can't help but take a few moments and reflect on my life. My life if filled with adventures most people would swear were fictional, at times I too thought some events never happened but the people fortunate enough to witness them keep reminding me. I tell you now that I have cheated death more times than I'd care to admit. I have lied, beaten, taken and given life. I've raced a real Pimp, had dinner with real Chicago mobsters, shaken former and current presidents hands. I have seen the inside of the White House, saved a little girl from being hit by a bus, resuscitated a pregnant woman after a car accident. I have fought gangs and matched wits with many influential men. I've even taken a gun and knife from would be attackers.

       All those moments, all those lives touched or friends lost. And I can't remember being as scared as I am now. The voice in my head keeps me calm, it tells me to be brave and show no fear for my wife's sake. It doesn't help to see my wife in pain knowing I can't take it from her, though as a woman this is her right of passage. Still, I am here alone. I do not have Maryam here to hold my hand and give me words of encouragement. I do not have my father who would place his heavy hand on my shoulder and tell me it's alright without ever muttering a word. I do not have Brandon or Vince to offer prayer to a God that I still do not understand. So I sit in the dark corner of the room, while my wife sleeps through her contractions, and wait. I'm pondering all the things I've done in my life. I'm saying silent prayers to God because I'm afraid my bad deeds out weigh my good and if that is the case will that determine the kind of father I will be.

       Am I really up to this challenge? I know its late to be asking this sort of question, it's not that I'm not ready but my reality is changing and my responsibilities have not doubled or trippled but quadrupled. It's only a few hours away before out children will be born. These are the thoughts I have moments before fatherhood.