Afterward

     After the first time, and only after the first, things inside you will change forever. But it only really kicks in when you get home. Your legs will be the first physical sign, they just go from under you. Then you'll puke and while you do it'll feel as if all the good that was ever in you has just spilled out. You'll cry then, you'll cry like a baby. A river of tears will simply fall without any sign of stopping. AND after all that you'll realize that if I can just look myself in the eyes...if I could just look myself...in the eyes. I can be okay. Chances are I can be alright and chances are you will be alright afterward.