11-29

11-29

I almost killed my mom today

she disrespected me in the worse possible way

I just came to work on my car for a bit

and rather than welcome me

she through a huge ass fit.

I almost killed my mom today

she yelled at me for for past mistakes

that she made

before putting my new family on blast

saying I'm the one from the family that strayed.

I almost killed my mom today

when she opened that door demanding an apology

for being a bad son.

Somehow I forgot that her oldest

will forever be number one.

I almost killed my mom today

when she blamed her misfortunes

on not receiving praise

for all the things that I have made.

I almost killed my mom today

for repeating the same old lies

only newly revised.

I almost killed my mom today

thank God I knew better

and walked away.

Allow me to explain. My car is making a funny noise and since I have no garage and can not work on my car on the street in my suburb I asked my father if I could bring it over. I got to my parents house early, to wait for my father. My mother opened the door, I said hello and she said nothing. So I asked. What are you up to? Her response was mumbled under her breath so I said pardon. She then repeated three times, rather loudly. WONDERING WHAT I'VE DONE TO YOU FOR YOU TO TREAT ME SO BAD.

I shook my head because I know she wants to get a rise out of me. She bathes in drama, relishes it. So I went opened my mouth to thank her for the money she gave my wife and I for our baby shower but she cut me off before I could speak. Saying: Thank you MOM for giving me money for the girls. The words that I had intended to say were then caught in my throat as she continued. Do you have any idea how much I wanted girls and this is how you act? Not sending me an invitation to the baby shower until the Wednesday before? But my anger would not be suppressed.

“I personally made your invitation and mailed it out two weeks before the baby shower.”

but she shook her head and dismissed me as a liar. Saying: I would have gone, I've always wanted girls.

But wait, let me rewind 7 1/2 months ago when I broke the news to my parents that I was going to be a father. My dad jumped for joy and went to get a celebratory shot while my mom bowed her head. And when I asked her if she was happy she said NO.

So she continued on saying my wife was...and then I stopped her. “Mom I'm done,” I said with my left hand in the air. “I'm done. I don't care what gripe you have with Celena. You want an apology for shit that never happened and ain't true. You lied to us for years and got caught up and you want an escape goat. Don't bring my wife in the middle of what issues you and I have.” but that only enraged her.

What has your wife done, explain that to me because I don't think you know. She comes in my house, at my party... But it was done. 8 years ago, had I been the same person I was. (And she wasn't my mother) I would have leapt over the couch and struck her with every ounce of my being. Releasing the darkest part of me that has been kept buried deeper than my Id. My teeth was grit as I recalled all the times my older brother had stolen, tagged, cheated, jailed and overdosed. (Yet he is favored above us all)

Knowing what I was capable of I closed my eyes and stepped back from the darkness and went up stairs. Her voice screaming from the top of the stairs, echoing between my ears. This is how you treat me. But what she's really saying is that I am a failure in her eyes. She prefers having a son who is a failed career criminal. (Not even a good one) She prefers having a daughter in law who sleeps around and makes gossips with her. Not a respectable Latina that takes care of home.

My little brother (23yrs old) woke up and saw me saying hey.

“I'm done.” I said to him before walking out the house I've known for most of my life. The home now turned into a cesspool of hate and bile.

Yeah, I almost killed my mom today. Thank God I walked away.